gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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