he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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