My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
