I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
