is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
