We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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