u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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