She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
