I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
