there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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