I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
