i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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