he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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