And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
