So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
