she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
