My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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