I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
