I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
