So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
