When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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