My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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