I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
