even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
