Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
COCAINE IS GR8
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
