bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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