I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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