I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
