I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
