I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
