no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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