My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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