Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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