Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
