and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
