I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
