I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have fence marks all over my body
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
