Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
