the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize