Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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