before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
