So gin and wine won't be happening again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
