You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
