This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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