SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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