Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
