yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
