If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ketchup is God's man juice
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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