Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
