Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
