Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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