he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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