im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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