well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize