Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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