i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
