i dedicated my morning wood to you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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