They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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