i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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