Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
