I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
