I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
