I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
