What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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