I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I FOUND THE LEGS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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