What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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