she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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